Working Mom Benefits: Great Things Can Happen!
Financial Freedom
Working mom, let's face it, work equals money and opportunity. Economist say that a stay-at-home mom who gives up her career will relinquish about 1 million dollars over her lifetime. This is especially true if you have a job where you are able to pay for child care or you are lucky enough to have a relative that will watch you child for no cost. This point is very fundamental. Most women go back to work for financial necessity. I acknowledge that some women go back for other reasons, but this site is for those who are reluctantly returning to work. Before you do anything, check out if it makes sense for you to go back to work at this Second Income Calculator. I advocate a woman's right to a year off to make sure that each of their babies is fit and ready to make his way in the world. I took five months with my first child and about a year and a half with my second. I know the feeling of desperation and wanting more time with my child. We took a loan out on a paid-off car in order to buy more time. So I get it. But after sixteen months, the cost of me not working was becoming a burden to our family. And after I returned, I realized it was the right thing to do. Staying connected in your career field has value too. It is said that women with children make less than women that don't. "A baby tax" of sorts. Perhaps. But I still see this time as money in the bank. A sort of equity stake in my future. A lot of women who take five to ten years off from working find it very difficult to return, competing with young workers and fighting for a decent salary. It is hard to keep connected in a world where people are changing jobs every two to three years anyway. Financial Freedom Later
For a working mom, there are also financial benefits to come later on, after you start work. For example, you may be able to be put money aside in a company-provided retirement fund or your own Individual Retirement Fund. You might be able to contribute a little to a 529 or a college fund for your child so that if and when they do go to college, the burden is not as great. But the thing that most stay-at-home moms don't anticipate, is what happens to their social security when they retire. When you don't pay in to it during your working years, you simply don't collect as much at sixty-five, or whenever you may retire. And it may seem like years away, nothing for you to worry about now. But you should think about it. Giving up work for 10 years or more may leave you with a few hundred dollars a month when you retire, verses a working mom who may make collect double, triple, or more in social security benefits.Mental Health
I believe it to be true that a working mom probably has less anxiety and more confidence than stay at home moms. Maybe because of the materialistic nature of our society. Stay-at-home moms get their share of criticism too. The book, The Feminine Mistake, touts that most working mothers are less depressed and have higher self-esteem than stay-at-home moms. First of all, I'd like to say that while this book is compelling, I find the title very divisive, and fanning the flames of the cliched and tired, "mommy wars" saga. I guess publishers are going for maximum marketing impact book titles these days. They do, after all, need to penetrate our over-stretched working mom attention spans. A good example is the healthy-eating book "Skinny Bitch," which I feel has so much compelling content but the title has offended more than one person I've recommended it to. So I digress and try to emphasize, that I support women who stay at home, as it truly is a wonderful gift if it makes sense for you. I was not able to do so for financial reasons, and discovered that after all the agony and angst, returning to work was the right choice for me.Staying at home is stressful, even though many women find being home with their children to be fulfilling. In the time I was home, I found fulfillment in the appreciation and love I felt for them, but I also found being home around the clock with my children very isolating and mentally wearing. Other moms aren't fulfilled at all by this 'round the clock life, but feel that they must be martyrs for their children. I do not disparage anyone who chooses this life. It is the hardest job of all. Especially living in an urban city such as Los Angeles, where it could take forty minutes in traffic to reach friends, parks, or museums. When I stayed at home full time, a lot of my time was spent attempting to incorporate cleaning, ironing, or simple laundry-folding with the endless repeating of, "just a minute," "just a minute," filling the moments before I was able to offer sustenance or a diaper change. Getting my toddler to nap was an exhaustive endeavor, with the time invested in getting him to nap longer than the nap time itself. When he did start daycare, the peer support of his friends and the comforting structure of the program, aided him in sleeping easily and soundly for long, restful periods. And while at home with the kids, I was able to fit quality time in, like trips to the park or the zoo every week or so just as I do now, but I was never able to achieve that glamorized, oh-so glossy version of the American stay-at-home mom. And as for my mental health? I created my own stimulating routines to fill the gaps where I could. I wrote a novel with my second baby nursing away on my breast, I wrote and started projects where I could to challenge and develop myself. Without this, I would have felt lost. I believe most moms (and people) to be like me; most anxiety strikes when they feel a lack of control over their life. At moments when I feel most in control I feel elated, elevated, even when I have more on my plate than I can probably handle. That said, I feel more in control of my life, my future, and my children's future when I am a working mom. In addition, with my first child, while it was so difficult to go back to work, the hurried business of it all helped me avoid any postpartum depression. I was so challenged and driven to complete my projects that I don't remember feeling blue at any time. That is not to say that women who feel blue after going back to work should not seek out help. If you feel desperate or depressed, you should get some support from a doctor or support group. After my second child, I waited to become a working mom, and think some of the effects of what I now recognize as postpartum depression were exacerbated by feeling so isolated at home. Quality Time Well Spent
For a working mom, time spent with children is about quality, not quantity. According to studies, the working mom today is dedicating an abundant amount of time to her children, more than in many decades. But even so, 40 to 60 percent of parents today feel like they aren't spending enough time with their children says Suzanne Bianchi, John Robinson and Melissa Milkie in their book, Changing Rhythms of American Family Life. Our society has intensive parenting expectations, and expects parents to provide a structured and abundant amount of one-on-one time with their children. Yes, more mommy-guilt!Even though child care time has risen since 1985, a research project where parents kept detailed diaries document that married fathers spent an average 6.5 hours a week caring for their children in 2000, a 153 percent increase since 1965. Married mothers spent 12.9 hours, a 21 percent increase. Single mothers spent 11.8 hours, a 57 percent increase. According to the book, most parents seem to be eliminating household chores and time for themselves to achieve this. Adding Some Perspective...
As a working mom struggling to sort out all the sound-bytes, this all seems laughable. Especially when I think about the extremes of my own childhood and so many of my peers. My mother never hovered over me, nor did she provide structured, "stimulating" activities around the clock. In fact, at three or four years old, I remember wandering out of the house alone, down our back hill, and somehow dropping my tiny purse full of pennies into the lake. With no second thought at all, I jumped in and retrieved the purse. I must have arrived back at the house, covered in muck and drenched in water, but I have no recollection of it being a big event nor was I reprimanded for it. Hilariously enough, my older brother shared an almost identical story of the same thing happening to him at the same age (with no purse involved).Of course, concern about child abduction and crime have certainly had an effect on our attitudes about the way we raise our children and structure their time. I am not sure it is helping our kids. On a recent camping trip, after some hours spent playing cards with the children, the adults sat down at the picnic table to chat (which I remember my mother doing all the time when I was a child). I took note of the children's (mine included) difficulty facing the prospect exploring the camp site unattended. My friend's daughter and my son (age five and six) incessantly tugged at our sleeves, begging us to play with them more. I remember a similar camping trip that I took at that age, and how my many hours spent digging in the dirt were rewarded by some delightful prizes: an antique plastic toy soldier and an old bar of soap, buried beneath the well-trodden dirt. No prizes were unearthed on our recent trip, as the adults eventually acquiesced and played another game of "Crazy 8's" with the children. Today activities seem to always revolve around an adult. I am not sure if we are compensating for what we missed ourselves as children or responding to society's current expectations, but I truly believe it is hindering a child's imagination.
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