Finding Quality Child Care for Your Return to Work
(and a Little Tough Love)
Deciding on child care for your return to work can be very difficult. You've had a wonderful, blissful maternity leave, and now you must leave your child in the hands of a stranger. It's no wonder you feel like the rug has been pulled from under you; the construction of mothering identity is believed to be one of the most significant identity transformations of adulthood (Block 1990; Golden 2001; Moushart 1999). You've just spent 6-8 weeks figuring out how you will handle this shocking and life-changing new role, and now you must balance a job of 24 - 40 hours a week of work on top of it. Meanwhile, you feel judged by society dominated by the rule of attachment parenting.
Now that you've heard my sympathy, now hear my advice; "Try your best to get over it." While that may sound really insensitive, I wish someone would have told me that and spared me the days, months of anguish. If you've exhausted the financial options to stay home, the quicker you get over it and put a plan in place for you and your child, the better. The resentment you feel now could harm your health, your marriage, and your chances of becoming successful at your job.
Besides that, outside of the highly industrialized countries, 90 % of women must work for their and their families' living (Working Mother, Nursing Mother - Pryor). Because I went to work five months after my first son was born, I was offered a coveted and well-compensated assignment in Europe. Our entire family moved there, and my son had some wonderful experiences. While this is an exceptional situation, it surely wouldn't have happened had I stayed home keeping the house in order.
Infant Child Care
It is absolutely natural to feel nervous about finding infant child care. You know your baby best, and your instincts will tell you what the best option will be. Aside from an on-site day care at your work, another ideal option in those early days is to have a relative watch the baby. I juggled time with some grandmas to buy me time before having to place the baby. A friend's grandma was looking for some cash, so I enlisted her. Next my mother-in-law came out for a few weeks. Soon after, my teacher-mother arrived, as soon as her school year ended to stay for an additional month.
After the grandmothers exhausted their time, I was ready to place my son in a child care center. He was a challenging and active baby, and I was too nervous to leave him with a nanny full-time. I felt like a day care offered a stimulating and well-supervised environment at a reasonable cost. Later, when Aidan was 18 months old, we had a nanny and it worked out quite well.
Day Care Centers
Check out as many child care centers as it takes until you feel comfortable. The first center I went to made me cry, with it's rigid, orderly-types carrying the babies with assembly-line care. This is more typical of the corporately run centers. Notice how happy the children look; do they look glazed over and neglected? Do they have dirty faces and runny noses? If they do, head for the hills. These are huge warning signs. I had much better luck with a family-owned operation, and it was only a little more expensive overall.
Pros:
• Reliable - You'll never have to worry about your nanny calling in sick.
• Affordable - If you pay by the hour, child care centers are the best deal.
• Safe - I felt that with so many CPR trained employees, baby's safety level was higher, and with so much supervision, less chance of abuse.
• Stimulating - Many centers have music, art, and well planned activities to keep your baby busy and happy.
Cons:
• Infections - Be prepared for illness after illness for the first year. They say it's either now or in Kindergarten. At least you'll get it out of the way. Ask if you can have a laptop to work from home if necessary. If you don't have a back-up caregiver, some hospitals have sick-baby care for a reasonable cost.
• Changing Caregivers - Caregivers can vary from age group to age group. Make sure you get a tour of the entire school before you decide.
• Closed Holidays - The teachers work hard at these centers, and of course, need a break. That means most Holidays will be closed, even if your work doesn't give you the day off. Check their calendar so you'll be prepared.
Nanny or Sitter
Interview as many candidates as it takes. Do a background check and check child care references. Set expectations before you start. What is their child care philosophy? Do they play/interact with the baby? How many holidays and sick days will be taken? Will the nanny take the child in their car? Will she clean? Clear expectations now will prevent grievances later.
Pros:
• Flexible - A reliable sitter can take your child to different activities or stay late if your schedule changes.
• Loving - If you find a good nanny, it can mean a life-long-lasting relationship with your child and the family.
• Less Illness - In the entire two years my son spent with a nanny, he was sick only twice.
• Stimulating - One-on-one attention can be wonderful for learning. If you are lucky, you can find a multi-lingual sitter that can teach your child another language. My son got to learn some French & Portuguese.
Cons:
• Less Reliable - If your sitter is ill, it can be difficult to find a back-up.
• More Expensive - I found that the nanny route is a little more expensive. This may not always be the case.
• Less Socialization - I noticed a huge difference in my son after he went to preschool. A nanny, while wonderful most of the time, can be fearful of punishing your child. My son figured this out right away. Also, if you are in a remote area, if might be hard to get to other children to interact with.
Whatever you choose, use your instincts when picking child care. You know what's best for your child. Do not listen to others who criticize your choices. I had a relative tell me that my son would be more aggressive and wild if I put in him day care. Not the case at all. In fact, I've seen some pretty indulged and aggressive in both the stay-at-home mom setting and the day care environment. Setting boundaries for your child and shaping his behavior begins and ends with you.
“Why compare yourself with others? No one in the entire world can do a better job of being you than you.”
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